I'm living without you I know all about you I have run you down into the ground Spread disease about you over town
I used to adore you I couldn't control you There was nothing that I wouldn't do To keep myself around and close to you
Do you have an opinion? A mind of your own? I thought you were special I thought you should know But I've run out of patience I couldn't care less
Special - Garbage
Everyone back in Miri must knew the big news already.A very heartbreaking one.The demise of a beloved friend of ours.
She passed away last Saturday.
Her given name is Hafizah Zainal.
She is smart,talented,kind and extremely beautiful.
Everyone likes her,I do not recall any gossip/bad things about her, she is just a pure soul without the wings on her back.
God gave her just 19 years to see the world, it is unfair but God made up His mind.
I sat next to her in form 3,and she was the sweetest girl in the class.We joked a lot and talk crap a lot.She used to thanked me for easing her stress because we were sitting for PMR at that time.
Now,she is gone.Forever.
It is nearing Hari Raya, and Hari Raya this year will never be the same for us,her friends and most affected is her family.
She will always be remembered as a very sweet girl,she passed away too early.We will miss her presence.
In loving memory,
Hafizah Zainal Yusof
(1987 - 2006)
Ironic, isn’t it? For something that a person keep very personal, it is much easier to let everyone know through blogging.Basically, you are just letting everyone know every detail of your personal life,but it is not easy to confront the matter yourself,let alone discussing it with someone else.
It has been months since the last time I met up with my family or my friends and in that very short time I changed a lot.Recently,I feel that I am beginning to lose myself.Days just pass by without realising that my turbulence emotions are overwhelming me.I carried so many bad things from the past and I keep on still thinking about it.I thought that if I come to Penang, perhaps there are good things to come.
Yeah,I had some of the best moments in Penang,but unfortunately these moments of great joy are also destroying me slowly inside.It is a slow and painless suicide.I do not think anyone know these.I just pretend to be happy with everyone.I do not think that any particular person associated with triggering this actually realise that I am in the verge of going off track from what I am supposed to get doing.
I must keep my faith.I thought I can let God just give me the strength to go on.I felt that He has treated me unfairly in my situation.But,I still keep true to myself.I must keep my faith.
Day by day,my thoughts are channelled into thinking this one matter.As if it is the most important thing in the world.I am losing myself,I do not know how to face people anymore,especially if this is haunting me everyday.I am out there,pretending that I am happy and full of joy when I am not.
Furthermore,I felt like not being taken seriously.I felt like I am just a shadow in everyone’s eyes.My existance does not matter anymore,I am merely a figure that talks.A programmable people-friendly device.I know I am special in my own rights, but I feel like I am not a person people would look at.
I do not know.There is just so many things,I just do not know how to elaborate further.I do not know how to put things in words.I feel that all I got to do now is (pretending) being happy.
